In the healing garden ....

In the healing garden ....

Had my shower, have come out into the sunshine, sitting in this beautiful garden, having a bit of me time just taking it easy. Watching all the gorgeous young dad's packing up their wives belongings and taking the capsules in to go and take there babies home for the 1st time, what an exciting time of your life that is.

Scarey, sore, exhausted but exciting. Actually the first thing that came back to me when we parked here the other morning was driving out of this car park nearly 23 years ago with my courtney. She was newborn, bronte was 19 months and an absolute nightmare (love ya bront) and aimee had just tuned 3. My ex who is a plumber answered his mobile phone in the car (which in those days was the size of a brick and took up the whole floor in the front) he said "Yeh yeh mate, I'll be there at 1" I was like, "WHAT you're leaving me???" he said "yes, someone has to pay for all that" I cried the whole way home. I couldnt believe he was going to dump me at the doorstep with 3 kids, I couldn't walk, I had things coming out of my bottom, I didnt even what they were, I was only 24. No one tells you about those at school.

But as I sit here now and reflect, a bit older, a bit wiser, a lot less judgemental, i understand more. He didn't mean it, he was under the pump with his own business and now 3 babies and a wife to support. Its scarey, i honestly dont know how men cope with the pressure of it all. I know we certainly pull our weight these days ladies so please dont get me wrong but there is a lot of pressure supporting a family on your own, i know cos i ended up doing it before my forever hubby and I got together. Its funny, money has such a big impact on relationships and i'd love to see how many more would succeed if there wasnt the strain of it. We watched a family video of aimee the other day, she was about 2 and in the bath, I said " what do you take to kindy tomorrow aimee" waiting for her to say "fruit" and she said with a big smile on her face "a kindy cheque" god I laughed. It was the days of cheques and obviously I used to have to ask him for a kindy cheque. Thank god for direct debit huh.

Anyway, he wasn't a tight man, he was actually very generous, it's just pressure and the older we get the better we handle it or at least can express better why we're upset. Iam looking forward to going home tomorrow, dr came in and did notice I looked very comfortable this morning, I did say I could get very used to this, lovely ladies bringing me breakfast, lunch and tea. I actually feel like lady muck, messages from all my beautiful friends and kids O/S, offers of help and I know hubby will have everything spotless and shipshape when I walk in tomorrow. He's being very protective, mum suggested everyone coming to mine for mothers day on sunday, he nearly spat his water out. Ummmm, no not this year mum (she just doesn't want to miss out, bless her). Luckily my twin brother and wife are organising something for her, families huh, it's all good fun. X
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